Lesson 11
Asking for Help
Asking for help is essential to achieving your goals. We can accomplish much more with others than we can on our own. Even people who are happy to help usually wait to be asked before offering assistance.
This is a time when your support system can come into play. If your goal was to get a job, for instance, then you might ask friends for ideas and challengers like an English teacher for suggestions to help you make your job application better.
Role models could help point you in the direction of jobs that would be fulfilling. If you knew someone who could help you get an interview at a company, then they would be a referral agent.
My Journal
Asking for Help
Here are some common fears that people have about asking for help. Do any of these apply to you? Rank these from least to most frightening:
Fear of being a burden
We assume our helper will view the request for help as an unwanted load. Suspect that you have this fear if you say to yourself, “She has better things to do.” or, “He has so much on his plate already.” Suggestion: Ask for something specific.
Rate this fear:
- No fearÂ
- Very frightening
Fear that we are out of control
This fear is particularly common when a person realizes a long-ignored problem, such as a nose-diving relationship or a hidden addiction, is getting out of hand. You feel like you have failed or that you cannot handle it by yourself. Suggestion: Think of the problem as if it were an actual object separate from you. Then, picture yourself and your helper teaming up against the problem.
Rate this fear:
- No fearÂ
- Very frightening
Fear of owing a favor
Most of us don’t like to feel indebted. Sometimes people act as if they have one up on us when they do us a favor. Then we are treated as if we now owe them a favor. We feel uncomfortable. Before asking for help, consider both yourself and your helper. If your potential helper has a history of using guilt, one-upping, or putting others under obligation to manipulate them, seek out a different helper. Help given reluctantly and with strings attached creates a debt. Suggestion: Ask someone else. Help given freely and with joy is a gift. Next, assuming your request for help is fulfilled, shift your feelings from one of indebtedness (“I owe her!”) to one of gratitude.
Rate this fear:
- No fearÂ
- Very frightening
Fear of rejection
If you made yourself vulnerable and were met with unkindness, it makes perfect sense why you are reluctant to try again. Suggestion: Remind yourself that you just asked the wrong person.
Rate this fear:
- No fearÂ
- Very frightening
Fear of appearing weak
We fear appearing needy, inadequate, broken, incapable, stupid, etc.—take your pick—when asking for help. The worry that we will appear “less-than” is the most common roadblock to asking for help. Suggestion: Remind yourself that having someone to ask means you are supported and connected.
Rate this fear:
- No fearÂ
- Very frightening
Fear that asking for help will make things worse
We fear that we may be made fun of or attacked because we asked for help. Suggestion: Select the right person to ask for help.
Rate this fear:
- No fearÂ
- Very frightening
Asking Someone for Help
Imagine asking someone for help, who would it be and what would you say? When would you say it? Think back to your road map for life goals, and whether you would ask someone new for help after reading about these common fears.
Congrats!
You just earned:
25
Experience points help you keep track of your achievements. How many can you earn?
My Journal
Code of Honor
Each of us is the hero in our life story and will experience challenges. Challenges are key moments in life. When they happen, it is important to have guidelines or a code of honor to follow.
Click on the boxes that represent the top five values that are most important to you today.
Honesty
Friendship
Curiosity
Compassion
Frugality
Family
Sense of Humor
Commitment
Courage
Assertiveness
Truthfulness
Fitness
Safety
Hard work
Creativity
Patience
My Journal
Code of Honor
Your top 5 values:
Now, click on five more values that you want to incorporate in the future. These are values you could work towards to be the best you.
Honesty
Friendship
Curiosity
Compassion
Frugality
Family
Sense of Humor
Commitment
Courage
Assertiveness
Truthfulness
Fitness
Safety
Hard work
Creativity
Patience
My Journal
Code of Honor
From these 10 values, pick the most important four.
Honesty
Friendship
Curiosity
Compassion
Frugality
Family
Sense of Humor
Commitment
Courage
Assertiveness
Truthfulness
Fitness
Safety
Hard work
Creativity
Patience
My Journal
Code of Honor
On the lines below, write a sentence for each word that shows how you act out these values. For example: “I am honest in dealings with others and myself”.
My Journal
Honor Shield
- Honesty
- Friendship
- Curiosity
- Compassion
Take a screenshot or think of this shield when life challenges you to know what is right for you.
Congrats!
You just earned:
A rare prize
These special rewards don’t appear often. See if you can collect all 5!
