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Lesson 3

Lesson 3 Scales

Balancing our Emotions

We might find that our feelings don’t match up with the situation that we are in, and that expressing them might hurt others.

For example: maybe we feel extremely angry. Anger’s purpose is to protect us from being mistreated or taken advantage of. If we express more anger than is necessary for the situation, we can hurt our relationships with others. By thinking about the situation before expressing ourselves, we can judge the best way to respond.

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Being aware of how we feel is also important. Some people lose the ability to feel emotions because they tune out their emotions.

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We call this numbing, and it can cause several problems. This often happens when people must deal with environments where expressing an emotion is dangerous.

Numbing-out is a learned behavior that may look like not caring. It can be expressed as indifference and aloofness or simple withdrawal. Sometimes this appears as shyness. Numbing can be a problem in relationships. It may prevent people from solving problems or protecting themselves when they are in danger. When we are numb it is hard to judge what is important in our lives or make decisions.

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Feeling emotions and taking the time to express them is important. If your emotions seem overwhelming, talk to someone in your life that you trust, like your school’s guidance counselor. They can help you understand why, and how you can feel better.

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Just the right amount

This exercise will help you learn “just the right” amount of emotion to express by thinking about what is too much or too little.

At different times in our lives, all of these reactions can be just right. We need our “protectors.” It is important to take a moment to notice how your emotions work for you.

Face Joy
Joy

"I am happy or joyful"

Drag the text into the boxes you think that they match. Do these statements express too much, too little, or just the right amount of an emotion?

TOO LITTLE JUST RIGHT TOO MUCH
no passion or excitement
can establish goals based on desires
taking irrational risks
don’t care about life
contentment
distractions from pain

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My Journal

Just the right feeling

Disgust
Sadness

"I am sad or depressed"

Drag the text into the boxes you think that they match. Do these statements express too much, too little, or just the right amount of an emotion?

TOO LITTLE JUST RIGHT TOO MUCH
Detached from people
Able to be kind
Depression
can’t feel pain
still has empathy
isolated; unable to feel that others care

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My Journal

Just the right feeling

Anger
Anger

"I am angry or irritated"

Drag the text into the boxes you think that they match. Do these statements express too much, too little, or just the right amount of an emotion?

TOO LITTLE JUST RIGHT TOO MUCH
Unable to protect onself
Assertive
hurtful
easily taken advantage of
able to protect onself
reactive

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My Journal

Just the right feeling

Fear
Fear

"I am fearful or anxious"

Drag the text into the boxes you think that they match. Do these statements express too much, too little, or just the right amount of an emotion?

TOO LITTLE JUST RIGHT TOO MUCH
can’t recognize danger
recognizes danger
Unable to leave home
reckless
keep self safe
unable to take risks

You got it!

My Journal

Just the right feeling

Sadness
Disgust

"I am disgusted"

Drag the text into the boxes you think that they match. Do these statements express too much, too little, or just the right amount of an emotion?

TOO LITTLE JUST RIGHT TOO MUCH
poor self-care
Can tell who would be good friends
Arrogant
bad decisions about relationships
Can establish goals based on desires
contemptuous... dismissive

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Lesson 3

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence or EI is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions. It also helps us recognize, understand, and connect with the emotions of others. EI can improve our lives in many ways.

Improving EI begins with self-awareness: an ability to know our emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values, and goals, as well as how we affect others’ feelings. We can better put ourselves in other peoples’ shoes.

EI also involves self-regulation: pausing to examine our emotions and express them appropriately. Empathy and self-regulation help us build stronger relationships with other people in our lives.

EI also helps us stay motivated and achieve our goals. People with higher EI tend to be more successful in their careers. They are also more likely to be happy and satisfied with their lives.

All this begins with naming our emotions: a skill that builds self-awareness.

A research study in the journal of Annual Psychology found that people with higher emotional intelligence generally enjoy:

1. Better social relationships.

2. Being seen more positively by others.

3. Better family and intimate relationships.

4. Better academic achievement.

5. Better work relationships.

6. Better psychological well-being.

Mayer, John & Roberts, Richard & Barsade, Sigal. (2008). Human Abilities: Emotional Intelligence. Annual review of psychology. 59. 507-36. 10.1146/annurev.psych.59.103006.093646.

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